Anyways, this party started sometime late on Mother’s Day and ended on Tuesday.
Yeah, I said Tuesday.
neighbors as I groggily walked my dogs past them at 8am. This answer is yes…kind of…and
wondered whether they knew someone who had been shot in the second line on Mother’s Day. I felt sorry for them, which is like a stepping stone to feeling
compassion, only totally not the same thing at all. I noted the difference
between sympathy and compassion, and sent them prayers as I scooped up my dog’s
myself pretty quickly, though. I stopped myself by instead actively
wondering what kind of drugs they were on. Molly? Coke? Adderall? Crystal meth
seems unlikely but possible? Does anyone do crack anymore? I really don’t know.
kind of coincidence or my imagination. And I decided that it really doesn’t
matter, because the point (for me, not for my neighbors) is that it got me
thinking about how easily we fall into bad habits when life is scary.
When we meet tragedy in life, we can react in two ways –
either by losing hope and falling into self-destructive habits, or by using the
challenge to find our inner strength.
lives in times of tragedy. This is the choice we face every single minute of
every single day. Do we respond to our world automatically, moving forward
through sheer unconscious force of habit, or do we greet each moment with a
sense of curiosity and respond to it thoughtfully?
automatic and manual. The point of yoga, for me, is to create a third option in
which it becomes automatic to take each moment as it comes. Let’s call that the
semi-automatic approach. That has a nice ring to it.
doing, look around and ask yourself, “Where am I? What am I doing? How do I
respond to this world around me in a more beatific/reasonable/peaceful/effective/pleasant/sane
you have to be sort of stopping and going at the same time. That is to say that
life is not going to pause around you while you sit there trying to figure out
how to respond to it. You gotta have a strategy.
way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop
opposing, positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful.
is the same kind of reasoning that tells you to replace smoking cigarettes with
eating baby carrots. Great idea, but how do you do it? It’s really easy to tell
someone else that they should stop thinking negative thoughts, but actually,
most of us are kind of addicted them, so not thinking negative thoughts is
actually really really hard.
not going to go into why we’re addicted to thinking negative thoughts, because
I don’t know why. I also smoked for twenty plus years, and I don’t know why I
did that, either. That’s part of the
challenge of dealing with bad habits, right? You don’t always know how you
developed them. And knowing why won’t really help you that much in this
when you were twelve someone you thought was cool smoked or maybe it was your
mom or maybe your cool mom smoked, but twenty years later it doesn’t matter
whether you think smoking is cool anymore or not, you’re still addicted. Knowing
why only makes you go, “huh, that’s interesting about me,” and then you still
have to deal with the very real fact of your physical craving.
that you hate the shape of your butt because your sister always made fun of it
and all the girls in magazines have butts that are shaped the same and those
butts are not the same shape as your butt isn’t enough. When you think, ‘I hate
my butt,” you have to be able to slow your brain down and think, “No I don’t. I
love my butt. My butt is cool.”
how do you do that? If you’ve been looking at your butt long enough, you’ve developed an automatic thought response to it that moves almost too fast to intercept. And if you combine your negative thoughts about your butt with all the rest of the negative thoughts you might have, trying to replace all of them at the same time with really awesome positive thoughts that you haven’t even had yet is kind of intimidating.
once. Maybe that’s too much. Maybe you could just start dealing with
the thoughts that you’re having right now thisverysecond. That’s what the
practice is actually about, anyways, being present and responding to what’s happening rightthisverysecond.
I was quitting smoking, I didn’t tell anyone I was quitting smoking because I
was scared that I wouldn’t be able to do it. So, instead every time that I
wanted a cigarette, I would say to myself, “I am not having a cigarette right now.” For me, it was way easier to
think about each craving as an isolated incident than to try to
think about never smoking a cigarette ever again in my whole life ever. Even
now, as a pretty devout non-smoker, that seems way scary to me.
is, like, a really really long time, y’all.
did I replace all my cigarettes with baby carrots?
Like I said, I smoked for over
twenty years. I’ve never done anything else everyday for twenty years,
including brushing my teeth or bathing. I definitely needed a crutch, so I
smoked an e-cig. (In my defense, an e-cig is basically a baby carrot for a
other words, I replaced a really really bad habit with a habit that isn’t
actually proven by medical science to be really bad, but probably will be some
day. And then, because the e-cigs took up the space where my cravings were, but they weren’t really that great, I just stopped smoking
guess what I’m suggesting here is that maybe if abolishing all negative
thinking from your brain right this second seems like it might be an
insurmountable task and that attempting said task might just lead to a
perfectionism>facing imperfection>disillusionment>depression>giving up cycle
that is totally anti-productive, try thinking smaller.
about trying to replace some of your negative thoughts with some at least
slightly less negative thoughts some of the time until you get used to it and it feels a little
seems do-able, right? That seems consistent with the whole middle way approach.
I feel like the Dalai Lama would be down with it.
addictions to anything – sugar, heroin, negative thoughts, whatever -are hard
to break, and sometimes it’s all you can do to not indulge in your addictions.
Sometimes I’ll go to a bar and everyone else will be smoking and drinking and having
a great time and guess what I’ll be doing? Not smoking. That’s it. Not
drinking. Not laughing. Not eating baby carrots. Not having a good time. Just
So maybe it’s okay if today you can’t say that you sincerely love your butt. Maybe just not hating it is a good start. Sometimes
there are moments when you aren’t ready to reach for that baby carrot and
not smoking just has to be enough.